Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize