Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
