Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize