Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
