HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
