We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
