so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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