ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize