i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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