i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
