it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
