Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
