I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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