Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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