It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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