It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
