I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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