do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
