He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
jump out the window naked night went bad
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
