Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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