We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
