WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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