i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
high people should be assigned attendants
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
