CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
