i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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