I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
