Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
