I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
