saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
