Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think a kid would responsible me up
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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