Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I want her autograph on my taint
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
