he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
