drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
