Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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