I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
