And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
