my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
