I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
