I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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