Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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