So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
