OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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