I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
