there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
