idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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