she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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