I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
