I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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