now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
