you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
