why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize