U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
