Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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