I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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