dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
