If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
