i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
