i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
