just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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