tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
