I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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