I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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