ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you win again, gameday.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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