Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I need to stop coming to work sober
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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