Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
