There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
