why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
