I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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