She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
